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Life

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Its been more then a year since I last wrote in here. A lot has happen and there are things I don’t know how to explain…There seems to be things that are better left unsaid and yet I can’t help but give voice to them. Lets to do a quick sum up of what has gone on. Girlfriend is in Boston and I have to get a job there or I’m going to lose her. I have to leave a city that I love with all the people I know in the world if I want to keep the person I love. I meet new people and I seem to get old fast. I feel like the world is falling and I don’t know how to stop. I went to sleep early and woke up more tired then before. I keep meeting girls that make me think what if and I wish I stop. I wish I can look at a girl and not instantly think of a number from 1 to 10. I wish I am an asshole that no one would like so that I don’t have to like anyone. I wish I’m just smart enough to know all this and yet too dumb to do anything about it. Maybe it is time that I move to a new place and start a different life, but now to you start something new and not feel you’re leaving something behind. I wish I was a clueless as the next person and yet at the same time wish I had a clue. Most of all, I wish that I can stop thinking about everything and not feel like the world is waiting for me to make a choice. I know this wouldn’t help and for all intensive purpose, most of these feeling well never go away but I’ll just deal with it the only way I can, which is I don’t. I have always find it weird that I can write all this down and yet I can’t tell this to anyone. Everyone have their stories and problems in life but why is it that I don’t have someone I can talk with. It seems like the only person that really knows me is…me, ::sigh:: am I doom to this? The inability to share who I am to anyone but myself because I don’t know how or because I don’t know who I am…..

Jee Yuan

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”
Cyril Connolly
(1903 - 1974)

posted by Storm
12:06 AM
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