THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You become Santa Claus
4) You start to look like Santa Claus.
Some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.
She Who MUST be obeyed
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here.
I love my cat. My cat does not care.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never
forgotten this.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.
Only in America, could a letter offering a million dollar prize be
considered junk mail.
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember, amateurs built the Ark.
Professionals, on the other hand, built the Titanic.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.
5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions!
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets.
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
I can see your point, but I still think you are full of crap.
Can I trade my job for what's behind door #1?
There's one in every crowd, and I'm it!
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
