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Another day

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Ever just feel like you’re going though the motions of the day but you’re not really there? That’s what it feels like for me. I don’t think I’m really here and yet its like watching myself go though the motion of working, talking, flirting. I try to tell myself to stop but I can’t seem to. I do what it is I do and that’s that. My emotions are starting to get out of hand and I need to get better control of it, one day I’m going to slip and I can’t even imagine what I’m going to do. I’m starting to over think everything, memories pop up at the worst times, and when they pop up its like someone punch me the guts. I got to stop doing all these vices, drinking, smoking. I need a better outlet but I can’t find one yet. I wish there was a simple answer to all this but I can’t find it.

Jee Yuan

“There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.”
- Malcolm Forbes

posted by Storm
11:14 PM
1 comments

What to do?

Monday, November 14, 2005


What would you guys do after all this drama? I was talking to my dad one day during dinner and we said how from now on he would just settle with a woman who loves him more then he loves her. I said good luck because I don't think we are that type of people to do this. It is one of the reason why I don't think I would marry anymore. I don't think I can ever be with someone who I couldn't give my all to. I understand it might be much easier for a change to have the other person care and love me more, but I don't think I can do that to the person. Life is all about choices,I don't know if I can ever give my all to another person, right now I don't think I can, no matter who it is, I just don't see it. I don't want to be hurt again or maybe I don't have faith in it anymore, I'm really not sure. At the same time, it doesn't feel right to be with someone who really cares or loves me, without returning the feeling. I know lately I've just been bitching a lot about this but better here then anywhere else. It's the dumbest thing because I don't seem to have complete control over my emotion yet, sometimes the angry and cynic comes out without warning and even I feel stupid about it, other times I just feel like breaking down but I can't and I still feel stupid about it. I wonder how long this is going to last? It can't go on and on….can it?

Jee Yuan

"The minute one utters a certainty, the opposite comes to mind."
May Sarton, Mrs. Stevens Hears the Mermaids Singing, 1965

posted by Storm
10:22 PM
0 comments